Parenting Together Through the Holidays: tips for navigating shared parenting over the festive season

For separated families, arrangements for contact with children during the festive period can be difficult to agree. During what is an already high-pressured time of year, discussions around contact can bring its own set of challenges.

For most families, the festive period is a time for family connection and for relatives to come together. It is therefore common for both parents to want to spend as much time as possible with their children. We have set out below some tips from specialist lawyers across our national team to help separated parents navigate what can be a tricky time of year and so that they can enjoy the special time with their children. 

How to Approach Discussions about Contact

If there is a Child Arrangements Order in place, this usually outlines the arrangements for contact over the Christmas period, however, in the absence of an Order, parents will need to reach an agreement themselves.

• Start conversations about festive contact early to avoid a last-minute rush and unnecessary stress. Clear communication is key so make sure both parents are on the same page and agree the arrangements rather than assuming what will happen on the day. Where possible this planning should not take place in front of the children. – Joanna Uzoka, Solicitor
• It’s important to focus on practical arrangements that suit your family but most importantly, your children. What is easiest for them and where will they be happiest. Consider options such as splitting Christmas Day so each parent has time with the children, alternating Christmas Day and Boxing Day each year. For some families geography might mean it is not possible to share the day - there’s no one-size-fits-all approach and it’s not uncommon for families to alternate each year. What matters is creating a plan that allows your children to enjoy quality time with both parents without unnecessary stress or disruption. – Hannah Braisted, Associate Solicitor
• The timing of handovers can make a big difference to how smoothly the day goes. Arranging handovers in the morning can mean tensions are likely to be lower, and there's less risk of the timetable for the day slipping. Think practically about who is bringing the children from A to B, for example what will the traffic be like at the time of day you’re travelling. This helps create a calmer environment for the children and reduces the risk of there being a disagreement - especially if lunch takes longer than planned! – Chloe Holliday, Solicitor
• Remember that the other parent is who you are going to raise your child(ren) with for the rest of their lives, and that Christmas will come round every year. Keep the other parent informed about what the children are planning in school in the run up to Christmas. Think about the children’s connection to their wider family – will their grandparents want to be at their school play or carol concert? Prioritise the child(ren) having fun and loving Christmases with both their parents and wider families. – Taler Kelly, Associate Solicitor
• If the children are travelling abroad to spend time with relatives or visit Santa with one parent this year you need to know in advance details and timings of their travel and where they are staying. You should share with your co-parent as much information as possible. Both parents need to consent to their children leaving the country. If you are worried that your children will not be returned from a trip abroad over Christmas, you should speak with a family lawyer to consider what safeguards may be appropriate to put in place before travel. – Caoimhe Sykes, Associate Solicitor
• It's important to be on the same page about gifts. Agreeing a budget is usually a good way to avoid disparity in how Christmas is experienced at either parent's home. At the centre of any discussion should be what is in your child's best interests. For example, your child may ask for gifts that push the boundaries of what is appropriate for their age, and it will make everyone's lives simpler if you can agree a common approach when buying (or not buying!) gifts. – Grace Morahan, Registered Foreign Lawyer

At the centre of all conversations should be your child(ren) and what will make this time of year special and enjoyable for them. If you’re finding discussions tough, it can be worthwhile taking a break from communicating with your co-parent and revisiting discussions afresh. 

If communication with your co-parent has broken down, mediation is often a quicker and more flexible forum in which to try and reach an agreement for Christmas arrangements than Court. The scope for what you agree directly with your co-parent is often wider, bespoke to your family, and more flexible than what a Court can direct. For those who cannot reach an agreement, arbitration is available. Children arbitration is becoming more popular with both parents choosing to instruct a jointly appointed Judge who can make a binding decision at a private hearing. 

A good degree of flexibility is often needed around the Christmas period – children get ill, travel is disrupted, and children are often out of their normal routine. It’s important for both parents to prioritise what their children need and ensuring they feel settled encouraged to enjoy the holiday with both parents. 

Support

At Irwin Mitchell, we can support you with practical and legal advice, including mediation and arbitration. Our team of expert lawyers and mediators can also help you understand your rights around contact beyond the festive period. For more information, please get in touch. 

The following resources may also be useful:

• Gingerbread offers advice for single parents, including during the Christmas period: Website: Gingerbread | Christmas
• Action for Children are on hand to provide support. Contact them from 9am – 5pm Monday to Friday on 0300 123 2112. Website: Action For Children
• If you are struggling and would like to speak to someone, contact Samaritans for free on 116 123, or Mind on 0300 102 1234