Jo's story — Navigating life together after a cancer misdiagnosis
Imagine the incredible resilience and strength it takes to rebuild your family life after the heart-breaking loss of your husband due to a cancer misdiagnosis.
Forbes; a husband, dad, and all-round great man
Jo and Forbes met in January 2003 whilst working in the construction industry. Jo remembers they “had a lot of fun and quickly fell of love”. In the coming years, they bought an apartment in London, got married in Wales, moved to Cambridge, and had two children, Hugh and Lois. Jo took a career break to raise their children, while Forbes took big steps in his career working as a project manager for a market leading developer, influencing the iconic London skyline.
Failings in his care
In 2013, Forbes first discovered a lump on his right foot. It was diagnosed as an arteriovenous malformation (AVM). The doctor said he should learn to live with it because removal would be very complicated.
In October 2017, the lump on Forbes’ foot started to grow aggressively. Just two months later it was the size of a tennis ball, which made Forbes very self-conscious and caused him a lot of pain. Soon the lump restricted Forbes’ movement to the point where he could barely use his foot.
On 14 December 2017, Forbes was due to have the lump removed. The afternoon before his operation the surgeon expressed concerns that the AVM could be something more and recommended a scan and ultrasound. Just before Christmas, the test results confirmed the lump was in fact a soft tissue sarcoma. Forbes thought “his life was over.” Jo remembers, “That Christmas was completely horrendous for us.” However, they sought comfort in the knowledge that the cancer hadn’t spread.
Forbes had five weeks of radiotherapy followed by a four-week break before undergoing surgery on Jo’s birthday, in April 2018. He had a large skin graft from his leg and two of his toes were removed. The surgery was deemed a success, so Forbes and Jo made plans to give the family something to look forward to. They booked holidays to Corsica, the Lake District, and Disneyland Paris later in the year.
Over the next few months, Forbes had physiotherapy and his ability to move around the house gradually improved. Things continued to get better. Forbes was able to join in with family bike rides and he started exercising again. Just before their holiday to Corsica in July 2018, an x-ray on Forbes’ lungs gave him the all clear.
A heart-breaking diagnosis
In September 2018, the family headed to Euro Disney as planned. While they were there Forbes discovered a new lump at the top of his leg. A biopsy confirmed that the cancer had returned. Forbes had another CT scan to check if it had spread. While they were waiting for the results, Jo tried to reassure herself by repeating what the surgeon had told her previously, that it was “limb threatening and not life threatening.”
On 19 September 2018, Forbes and Jo travelled to London to get the results and discuss treatment options. Jo recalls the look on the oncologist’s face as he asked them to take a seat. He informed them the tumour had spread to Forbes’ lungs and that it was incurable. The oncologist told Forbes his life expectancy was 12 to 18 months and said, “Now you need to focus on making memories.
Forbes and Jo were in complete shock. Jo recalls, “It was off the scale horrendous.” At the time, Hugh was seven and Lois was four. She couldn’t comprehend how they were going to cope without their dad.
The family wanted to make as many memories as possible and booked a South African safari for October. A week or so later, Forbes developed a tight feeling in his chest. Things were progressing much faster than anticipated and he needed chemotherapy as soon as possible. They cancelled the safari and instead booked two nights away in Wales.
While they were in Wales, Forbes was in so much pain that Jo rushed him to hospital. An x-ray showed a lot of fluid on Forbes’ lungs, which needed specialist care. He was transferred to a hospital in London, where a CT scan showed that the fluid was in fact all tumours – the family were told Forbes would only have four to six weeks to live. Jo said, “I thought it couldn’t get worse, but it did get worse, every single step of the way."
A week after he was admitted to hospital, Forbes was moved to his own room and the palliative care team were brought in to discuss his options. With his condition deteriorating rapidly, Jo was told that Forbes had only a matter of days. The children, Forbes’ mum, brother, and best friend came to visit, and Jo spent the nights by his side.
Forbes’ brother, mum, and Jo were with Forbes when he took his last breath, just as his brother promised to take Hugh and Lois on many adventures.
Jo took comfort in knowing Forbes could rest and was inspired by how hard he’d fought to keep going.
A strong support network
As well as legal support, our national charity partner Maggie’s has been there for the family.
Forbes and Jo got in touch with them for advice after his diagnosis. Victoria Tolchard, an art therapist at Maggie’s worked closely with them, often guiding Forbes and Jo on what to say to the children at difficult times.
Victoria holds adult and child art therapy support groups at Maggie’s Cambridge centre, which the family has all attended. Jo says “The kids went to monthly bereavement art groups with kids of a similar age. That was important, and even if they didn’t want to talk about their feelings, they knew they were in a room with children who were going through exactly the same issues. I think art is very beneficial for them as it allows them to feel like they’re doing something while also providing a space to express their problems, issues, and emotions."
When Forbes died, Jo went to Victoria’s sessions weekly. “The bereavement art groups are a great place. It opens the side of your brain to talk about your feelings and problems.” Jo added, “Until you lose a partner you think you know how you’ll feel, but you have no idea. It's nice to get together with other people that really understand."
Victoria added, “I think how far they’ve come and the strength they have to carry on is amazing. It’s nice that Jo has used the support of Maggie’s and continues to do so, and that she knows that the support is here for her children too."
A strong support network
As well as legal support, our national charity partner Maggie’s has been there for the family.
Forbes and Jo got in touch with them for advice after his diagnosis. Victoria Tolchard, an art therapist at Maggie’s worked closely with them, often guiding Forbes and Jo on what to say to the children at difficult times.
Victoria holds adult and child art therapy support groups at Maggie’s Cambridge centre, which the family has all attended. Jo says “The kids went to monthly bereavement art groups with kids of a similar age. That was important, and even if they didn’t want to talk about their feelings, they knew they were in a room with children who were going through exactly the same issues. I think art is very beneficial for them as it allows them to feel like they’re doing something while also providing a space to express their problems, issues, and emotions."
When Forbes died, Jo went to Victoria’s sessions weekly. “The bereavement art groups are a great place. It opens the side of your brain to talk about your feelings and problems.” Jo added, “Until you lose a partner you think you know how you’ll feel, but you have no idea. It's nice to get together with other people that really understand."
Victoria added, “I think how far they’ve come and the strength they have to carry on is amazing. It’s nice that Jo has used the support of Maggie’s and continues to do so, and that she knows that the support is here for her children too."
Rebuilding their lives
Forbes will always remain a part of their lives. Jo says, “From very early on I’ve encouraged Hugh and Lois to talk about Forbes. I want them to grow up talking about him and be proud to do so."
While pictures of Forbes hang around their home, the family also visit a memorial bench regularly at a nearby park. Jo often receives photos that loved ones have taken there too.
Jo also decided to move Hugh and Lois to a new school which is known for its nurturing and supportive environment. Teachers are aware of their situation and protect them from anything that might upset them.
With the children settled in their new school, Jo enjoys seeing them participate in various sports. “Forbes had always been into sport, so from a really young age he was very keen for the kids to be doing sport. They’re now very sporty people."
Having supported the family and seen them rebuild their lives, Gurpreet says: “Jo is an incredible mum and is building a fulfilling life for both Hugh and Lois. Now that the legal case is coming to an end, the family can close the chapter on the litigation and look forward to creating memories together."
Going beyond legal advice for our clients
As the official legal sponsor of England Rugby, Gurpreet and Guy welcomed Jo, Hugh and Lois to the Six Nations clash between England and Ireland at Twickenham in March.
Hugh walked onto the pitch with Ellis Genge as one of the team mascots, joining them in singing the national anthem – an experience he’ll never forget.
Hugh thanked us for a “Once in a lifetime opportunity”, while Jo was grateful to Ellis for supporting Hugh through the experience, putting his arm around him and talking to him all the way. From the stand Jo said, “It was emotional to watch.” Watch how Hugh got on as an England Rugby mascot.
If you or a loved one has experienced a failure in medical care, cancer or otherwise, our experts are here to help. They’ll come to you with an understanding and sensitivity about your situation and work to get answers from those responsible, so you can look towards the future.
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